new favorite Craigslist ad, with annotation

"Found this table being used as a workbench at a farm. [Table was living below its station.] Farm went out of business so I manage to get the table, I used it for a while until we found out the wood was still in great shape. [Having gotten over the trauma of being used as a workbench, table began to trust man and revealed its true provenance.] So hours upon hours sanding, stained and 3 coats of shellac and hand wipe poly, ended up with this, but sadly we are downsizing and no home for the table. The table is now in storage. [Table so lonely.] The top has many a scratch and a ring of oil i could not get out, so the table is naturally distress [Table will never trust again.] and no where faked. Can be delivered for gas money."